Hi.. I’m Hammer.

It’s been a long four years, battling this depression. With ups, and overwhelming downs. I feel pressured. Not because I have a lot to do, but because those around me.. being told that jobs can’t be fun, you only get jobs to provide to yourself.. I think it’s bollocks.. I failed college twice. I’ve looked for jobs. I tried everything.. at this point, I do not want to study, and I do not want a job. It is stupid, but I cannot work on something that I don’t enjoy anymore..

I’ve been trying to work hard. These past 3 months have been the most productive in my life…. But life is catching up to me, either I manage to earn money from art, or I get screwed over.. not to mention my struggle with myself.. I cannot satisfy myself with my art. I might look at it and find it good, but later all I see is a pile of dookie… but today I couldn’t even bring myself to draw. I was feeling so bad. I had my drawing software opened.. but I couldn’t bring myself to draw.. even though I knew exactly what I want to do.. I just couldn’t.. I’ve just been sitting.. looking up, or tucking my head between my arms.. all I feel is emptiness.. is this what it feels to hit rock bottom..?

if you made it this far into reading this, thank you, and I’m sorry you had to read it. I don’t wanna sound petty with this. I don’t want petty commissions, I don’t want petty donations. I want to earn my rights.. I just wanted to let out a weight trapped in my chest.

Thank you.

I’ve been Hammer, and I’ll see you soon..